Chelsea

"because i...thought of you"

You know what, I'm sure that you don't even care or anything but I do not think I want to go any further with you then this.I have done nothing but thinking, and I sit here and wait for a text all day because that is what you say you will do throughout the day. yes you work, but I have seen the magic that you can do while at work and lately it has been nothing and I am not exactly sure of why it is all happening this way. I'm not saying I did what I did for a specific reason, but I guess that was in the back of my mind. I do not understand.! I do not understand you. I'm not taking the first step anymore and if you want nothing to do with me then really you need to let me know. I have been hurt before and I am sure you telling me this won't add a burn in the book, but just a chapter of what it was. but in conclusion I am completely done with it all. If you don't come towards me then fine, so be it. I have people in my life that are important to me and if I can't be one of those to you then nothing was obviously worth it in the first place.I may not want to drop you as anything, but if it will do me good then that is exactly what I will do. I'm sorry that it all will come this way.

and forget the work thing, you act like you work so much. SHITTTT i know what people are capable of.

forget it. I'm done

i'm really done this time like foreal

I'm not coming anymore!you come

goodbye.

chelseatiberio

amberday:)

Oooooh ooooh
I never needed you to be strong
I never needed you for pointin' out my wrongs
i never needed pain,i never needed strenght
My love for you was strong enough you should've known.
I never needed you for judgement
I never needed you to question what i spent
I never ask for help, I take care of myself, I don't know why you think you got a hold on me.
And it's a little late for conversations
There isn't anything that you can do.
And my eyes hurt, hands shiver, so look at me , listen to me because,

I don't want to
Stay another minute
I don't want you
To say a single word
Hush Hush, Hush Hush
There is no other way
I get the final say
Because
I don't want to
Do this any longer
I don't want you
There's nothing left to say
Hush Hush, Hush Hush
I've already spoken
Our love is broken
Baby Hush Hush

I never needed your corrections
On everything from how i act to what i say
i never needed words, i never needed hurt, i never needed you to be there everyday
I'm sorry for the way i let go
Of everything i wanted when you came along
But i am never beaten, broken, not defeated
I know next to you is not where i belong
And it's a little late for explanations
There isn't anything that you can do
And my eyes hurt, hands shiver, so you will listen when i say baby

I don't want to
Stay another minute
I don't want you
To say a single word
Hush Hush, Hush Hush
There is no other way
I get the final say
Because
I don't want to
Do this any longer
I don't want you
There's nothing left to say
Hush Hush, Hush Hush
I've already spoken
Our love is broken
Baby Hush Hush

No more words
No more lies
No more crying ooh ooh
No more pain
No more hurt
No more tryin' Oh Oh Yeah
Because

I don't want to
Stay another minute
I don't want you
To say a single word
Hush Hush, Hush Hush
There is no other way
I get the final say
Because
I don't want to
Do this any longer
I don't want you
There's nothing left to say
Hush Hush, Hush Hush
I've already spoken
Our love is broken
Baby Hush Hush

Yeah Oh
Hush Hush, Hush Hush
I've already spoken
Our love is broken
Baby

each line has its own little meaning

don't make it sound like the song

you probably won't understand

it does mean something!

same stuff just another day

I'm thinking it is going to get easier

but as i see the pictures and memories

my stomach goes into the deepest knots

knowing that you could care less what happens.

I cry and I cry and things never seem to get better

your baby blue eyes pierce through me everytime

you do and do not look at me..they are like the sun

burning every inch piece by piece.

You are so strong and you don't even need her sweater to show.

I do not regret a single thing I have tried and done with you

but i promise you that things will never be the same

you will think about it and you will be sad

once she leaves you hanging because I'm sure she will

you still never will understand but thats okay

If you don't care then why should I

 

I will go to college and I will graduate with your last words being "thanks=]"

but that will be okay because maybe those are thee only memories I want

I still have everything, and I am sure things will stay and I have the

good and bad memories that you have given me.

I will sit here and write this knowing that it won't make a difference

and I will try looking at the screen as you think I can see what words are misspelled.

I may never forget you, but I surely won't forgive you.

This is or is not what you want, but this is what you have given me

so this is what I am going to give you.

good-bye for now, ha for good

Like I have said below thanks for everything and I'm sorry you made it end this way!

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhh

today has sucked

holy crap!

i have not cried that hard in forever.

and then he just looks at me like nothing

and hour and a half later and his BRIGHT blue eyes just smile!

gahhhh i could kill him, i could. I would be sad, but I could.

I have these visions of just slamming him against the wall and leaving him there

whether he is hurt or not.

I just do.

i'm pathetic

and I will put my head down

but my god, i can't believe this

she has everything, and nothing

POSTIVE

i do will ever change a thing.

 

I sit there in every class

with less than a sentence said

for the most part

and still I can have fire burning around me

I have not done anything to anyone

and I have kept my p's and q's out of everything

and yet i still end up holding the bad end of the stick

maybe that is the way?

maybe happiness has fallen through?

i don't even ask for much.

 

I really want a job!

that will take my mind off of everything!

and I really want my liscense

so i do not have to stay here

I want to drive and drive and land at the ocean

i want to look out afar and see the dreams of everyone else

I want to watch the sunset and the sunrise in the same day

with knowing that this is the bright new me

I will cry my way through the darkness and

watch it all disappear as the sun rises

I will I swear!

this is what I want.and its not too much

one day!one day i tell you

• my dreams will come true
• i will have everything i can see right now
• school will become thee best again
• college with mormons will be my best experience
• soccer is going to make me strong again, because without it i cry
• i will stand like a brick and find a way to never fall
• me being this weak is pathetic and I cant do it anymore
• graduation will be the best day, even if i have no one to say goodbye to

and I will cry my way through the whole thing

• i will not get married and be extremely happy
• I want to work twelve hour days and not worry about anything
• I will solve families happiness by finding the murderer of their relative
• maybe i will finally see someone else from the inside out[probably dont understand]
• my hair will flow in the wind while i never look back
• the retirement i will have requires me in a little cottage in the middle of nowhere
• but i will live by an ocean while i work.

I have figured that the ocean has sooo many stories written within it

and if i look and stare and stand there long enough i will find where i am

suppossed to be and what i should be doing with my life.

• I'm going to go on my dream vacation more in likely by myself
• i want one campanion being a dog
• and one little fishy to remind me of the stories

 

My life will be complete, whether I have who I want and whether my dreams comes true or i find myself in someone elses foot steps.I will, I will accomplish anything that it brings and will take it full on.

 

chelseatiberio

damnit

i keep thinking about it and it sucks.

graduation is coming along and I am leaving and I am not coming back.

what is honestly going to happen with this all?

i'm sitting here thinking about Angel, and its hard I guess. I mean I'm not exactly sure why.I mean I know he has Wendy, but I mean I don't even know.I know I let him go, but we got together because of me and it was a very very hard time in my life.damnit. and he doesn't even know, he doesn't even know a single thing. Yes he knows about my past with my father, but he does not that it was happening when we were together. He does not know that my step mom had just tried killing herself in front of me. He does not know that my family was falling apart and that everything was so difficult. He does not know that I would have done anything for him, but I hated the fact that he wanted to quit football because I knew that was a dream he had and I was not going to let him throw that away.[even though he does not play anymore :/]. He does not know that seeing them together bothers me, and that is why I do not hang out with that group in the morning anymore. He does not know that I am holding back tears while writing this and that I have to hurry up. He does not know that I basically want to kill Wendy because she started to be interested in another guy over the summer. He does not know that homecoming I cried during the slow dance because I saw them together even though i was dancing with a "friend" and basically lied to him. He does not know anything. He does not know that it took me over seven months to get over him. He does not know that I did want to get back with him even after he begged and pleaded, but because of everything I needed the time to myself and know that I know it is completely over it hurts even worse(even though technically my fault). He does not know that I believed he was over me and that is why I never did go back. He does not know a lot, and I'm very sad for that. I wish I would be able to tell him, but does it matter? I mean when you are wrapped around her finger its like it goes through one ear and out of the other.

Now that college is coming around and I am leaving, I mean its going to be like we never even met before. I mean that has to hurt, right? am I the only perosn that sees it?

Senior year has been a complete blow for me and my junior year has sucked.My high school experience is horrible.

I know that I want to leave, and I know that I say I want to leave everything behind, but when it comes to some I do want to keep in touch and I do want things to be different. I wish my high school experience was different and I wish that I could make it better.

Nobody really ever understands me nor do I think that they care. I know that when i first came I did sound like a bitch, but nobody knows nor do I want to tell anyone, but still.

The realization that my first real friend at Canyon Springs High School being Angel, does not talk to me anymore,or notice the fact that I am standing there, nor either him realizing that we do always bump into each other is more hurtful then anything possible. I never thought that i would ever say this, but I really do miss him to the greatest level. I would do anything to have that friendship (because thats all it will ever be now) we had during geomtery early bird every morning. And how I saved him from getting hurt, because he was sooo into someone that never even wanted to look at him. I did that. and now I am nothing to him.maybe that is how I see it,but I can not think any differently at this point!

 

well now that I am in full blown tears, I think that I should completely stop this message.

I'm sorry for everything, from the beginning to end, but most of all I'm sorry that this is how it has to end.

Chelseatiberio :'(

I'm guessing this is goodbye.

You know what happened,just now.I know I have edited this, but just right now

I found memories, remember Magic Mountain.

God I do, I can remember every single part of it now that I am thinking about it.

"Nachooooooo" hahah you made fun of me for weeks

well i just found the key chains we just had to buy

ha we hid them because they were the last ones with our names on them.

mhmm on the back, "just like mickey and minnie"

geese and to only think it feels just like yesterday.

Maybe you still have yours?

 p.s.  I thought of everything,when i heard this!

I woke up this morning around 4am
With the moon shining bright as headlighs on the interstate
I pulled the covers over my head and tried to catch some sleep
but thoughts of us kept keeping me awake
ever since you found yourself in someone else's arms
i've been trying my best to get along
but thats okay there's nothing left to say but

CHORUS
Take your records, take you freedom
Take your memories, I dont need 'em
Take your space and take your reasons
But you'll think of me
And take your cat and leave my sweater
'Cause we have nothing left to weather
In fact I'll feel a whole lot better
But you'll think of me, you'll think of me

I went out driving trying to clear my head
I tried to sweep out all the ruins that my emotions left
I guess I'm feeling just a little tired of this
And all the baggage that seems to still exist
It seems the only blessing I have left to my name
Is not knowing what we could have been
What we should have been
So

(Repeat chorus)

Someday I'm gonna run across your mind
Don't worry, I'll be fine
I'm gonna be alright
While you're sleeping with your pride
Wishing I could hold you tight
I'll be over you
And on with my life

(Repeat chorus twice)

And you're gonna think of me
Oh someday baby, someday

think the story book closes after this chapter?

Another day, another night.

well its my senior year, i'm guessing everyone knows that.and i am missing out on everything.Its the homecoming game and I can not even go.Kinda sucks.I still get to go to homecoming possibly, but who even knows about that yet.

I am going to miss everything, and senior year is going to be by far the year that I will regret living through.I know I will want it back and want to redue it all over. I mean I can't even go to the last homecoming game. I'm pathetic.

 

well its whatever..I wish i would have gotten that job so I could have went to the game and just paid her back...but noooo i'm not even looking forward in asking for anything what so ever. I hate her and I hate him. not like it matters, they are still keeping me in this hell whole of a house. grrr. and now they suck up because they know that i want to leave soooooooo bad.

 

mhmm well lost a friend today, but thats okay! not meant to be. my college experience is going to be something I guess.

 

well I think I'm going to go i dont even know, I have nothing to do tonight. gahhhh

i hate this and everything else.

i want to be a normal teenager with normal things and do normal stuff

that is not going to happen.

fuckin sucks.

 

gahh whatever.

 

chelseatiberio

ugh

I read all your stuff and disect every little word, and you still make absolutely no sense to me. You sit there and say that everyone treats you so HORRIBLE and in fact everything you say they do to you, you do to the people that ACTUALLY CARE about YOU!. and its pathetic. you're pathetic.

You text me all this shit

saying " You know you can tear someone apart"

blah blah blah..what the hell ever.

You don't even have to say anything to tear them apart

You must be amazing at it.

Well at least you got your wish, you're amazing.

finally right. finally you can see it.

Not that amazing is it?

ha talk about the fake people right.

How much more fake can you possibly be?

get real,_________,open your eyes.

You want everyone to treat you like this goddess walking on the water

but sweetheart you really aren't her, I'm sure you read the book, i mean and honor and AP english.

I dont even think i ever want to talk to you again.

You don't even care.I mean you say you do

but make up and smiles, hide so much!

guess your smile is just as fake as you are.

ugh ugh ugh! this is crazy

I hate i have to say it this way,ha youll read it

and actually pay attention to me.

guess my girlfriend is right, she does pick up the pieces you left

quite funny, you wanted HER to stop squeezing your heart harder and harder each time you gave to her

but that is exactly what you have done with mine.

No i am not in love with you, but i trusted you.

something i rerely ever ever do with anyone...

and I could honestly say that I do regret it.

congratulations, you broke me

ha, but you beg for people not to break you!

ha guess college is out of the question.

get your associates, then ha CSU your ride or die choice.

bye...thanks for everything.

 

well life is life,and when i leave

i'm not looking back, i'm not coming

back for "visits, a night" or anything

i dont care anymore.

ALMOST everyon that i have met here

has been nothing but completely dicks.

and ha mormons must be so much better.

i may not have a father,any money,a place to live,a job,or a car

but I WILL MAKE IT. i WILL DO EVERYTHING

i will right my goals down, and i will make it..

one:college soccer will come

two:i will get my masters at an amazing school besides SUU

three:i'm not applying for SU anymore, just the other and I could care less what anyone thinks

four:i will get this job on tuesday, if i have to break my back bending backwards

five:my make up will be so dark,it will look permanent.

six:i am now a different person and I do not care what you think and i AM NOT changing.

seven:think i'm antisocial now,homecoming is my last school event, without my girlfriend!

eight:I hate you, and you will never guess.

nine:I am going to stick with school,soccer,and work.

ten:this is me, and nothing more nor less.

take it or leave it, if you dont then i dont care.

stay or leave my side, if you chose to stay, DO NOT change me

I will not do it.

accept me for the sleepless nights,bagged eyes,teary eyes.

good-bye.

ChelseaTiberio